Captain America: Road Trip!
by The Ghost Story
Summary: Just a bunch of silly shenanigans Steve, Sam and Bucky (or SSB) get into! Feel free to request scenarios! Kind of a Crack!Fic...you have been warned! Moments of OOCness!
1. The trip begins

"Alright! Sharon promised to meet us at a secret location. It's best we get there before we're recognized." Steve Rogers looked at the newly revived Bucky Barnes and the ever so cynical Sam Wilson.

"So that's a good get away car? We're gonna use that piece of junk?" Sam questioned. Steve blushed and muttered "It was the only one I could find..."

"Yeah, sure. Out of the billion other cars in that lot you chose the one as old as you. Clever."

Steve winced apologetically as Sam sighed. "I get shotgun." He sat down and Steve slid into the drivers seat. Bucky attempted to get in the back.."mmf!" His shoulders hit Sam's seat as he tried to get in.

"Hey, watch it." Sam snapped. "I'm trying...it's not like there's room back here." Bucky grumbled. Steve was attempting to start the car without success while all this was happening. "Rrrg..." Bucky grunted again and managed to get through...falling over and hitting his head on the door across from him in the process.

"Hey, you tried." Sam snickered at The Winter Soldier's misfortune. "Shut up." He groaned and tried to adjust himself...and his head slipped back out the open door.

Meanwhile Steve got the car running. He grinned and floored the gas. Bucky's eyes widened as he suddenly found himself being dragged across the ground. "Whoa! "Bucky! Didn't see you there!" Steve shrieked and quickly screeched to a stop.

Sam chuckled as Bucky got himself in the car and shut the door. "What?" He glared at the Falcon. "Nothing...you just got something in your hair." He chuckled again at the sight of the rocks and other mishmash of junk tangled in Bucky's hair.

"We have a brush!" Steve announced, holding up something with bristles that looked ancient. Bucky grimaced and took it. Sam kept snickering as the man behind him began to brush his hair with the thing.

Steve just sighed.

This was going to be a loooooong trip.

 **Ok! This is the first of possibly many chapters! Please feel free to make requests and tell me what you think!**


	2. A Calming Call

**I OWN NOTHING!**

The trio of heroes had been driving for hours it seemed...actually, they were right. But who cares?

They were quickly getting hungry as Steve sighed and patted his empty belly. "I want food." Sam grumbled. Bucky was rather used to it, but even he nodded in agreement.

Just then, Steve saw a drive through.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

He screamed as he sharply veered causing Sam to flatten against the window and Bucky's door to open so he once again was dragged along the ground. Sam chuckled as best as he could while flattened against the window when he heard angry Russian swearing.

"Whoops, sorry Bucky..." Steve stopped the car and winced once Bucky got back in. "I'd like that brush now..." Bucky softly said. Steve silently handed him the brush, his food desperation now curbed that they were in a drive through. Bucky said nothing but put the thing-he now decided to call a brush-through his hair.

Someone began speaking rapidly in a different language. Steve and Sam both looked at Bucky who sighed and unbuckled to lean in to speak. He replied back, slightly slower, and made the order.

Once they had their food they hit the road. Steve was trying his hardest only to eat when they had to stop...sadly that wasn't happening anytime soon. Good thing the roads were mostly abandoned.

Sam sighed contently and slowly leaned his chair back further and further. "Wow! I am full!" He grinned mischievously as Bucky was pretty much squished. All of a sudden something hard hit him in the back causing him to yelp. Bucky's knee dug into the back of Sam's chair.

Sam looked behind at Bucky who snickered. "Not funny." Steve looked at the sky. Get some sleep if you can guys...and please stop bickering." "He started it..." Bucky grumbled as he unbuckled to somewhat stretch/curl up on the back seat. Sam just leaned back his chair all the way so he could lay down.

Since Bucky was laying down as well, and not being squished there were no complaints from his side. Soft snores soon filled the car from the two as Steve drove a lonely road, he picked up a phone and dialed a number.

"Hi Sharon..."

" _Steve! How are you? Is everything okay?"_

Steve smiled when she barraged him with worried questions. It reminded him of

what happened after Ultron. "No, I'm fine...just checking in on you."

" _'Checking in on me? I should be doing that to you. You're crazy Rogers_."

Steve sighed happily at her fond chuckle. " _Did you say someAthing?"_ Steve snapped out of his stupor. "No, bye Sharon." " _Bye Steve."_

Steve hung up. The car was peaceful as they drove through the night.

 **A/N: Sorry, I wanted to have some fluff! :)**


	3. Road Ruckus

**A/N: *le gasp* My first review! Thank you Sky-watcher22 for your review! And don't worry about too many ideas! It may take awhile to get to them giving how I'm trying to release a chapter a day on one fanfiction I'm writing. :) But I'm going to change that schedule to get to your requests! :D**

 **Now, without further ado...I own nothing...currently. Given what they're doing to Cap maybe Marvel is better off if I did...or at least give it to the Russos.**

"Would you quit that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

" _That_! Kicking my seat!"

"I'm not kicking your seat...you must be imagining things."

"If I wasn't buckled in I'd kick your a-"

Steve held the wheel in a death grip as the two bickered. This had been going on for the last _hour_. He see his teeth and wondered if they'd ever stop. They were all on short tempers and probably were sick of being in the car.

"Hey guys? Do you wanna calm down? I'm trying to drive." Steve sighed and turned to look them in the eye. All of a suddenly a metal hand grabbed the top of his head and forced it to look at the road. It then flicked him as Bucky snapped. "Eyes on the road."

"Well you two make it hard to concentrate!" Steve grumbled. Sam leaned back with a smirk. "I know. My hotness is blinding." Bucky scoffed causing Sam to twist around in his seat. "And you're any better? Please, you look homeless." "At least I have hair." Bucky ran his hand through his hair with a smirk.

" _THAT'S IT_!"

Sam screamed and lunged at Bucky as best as he could with him being behind him and being strapped down. "GUYS!" Steve screamed as he veered into an exit. " _YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T MISS THE EXIT!"_ He sighed as they drove down the winding road.

Steve sighed and relaxed. He saw out of the corner of his eye, a sign. He looked at Sam. "Was I supposed to take that exit?" Sam looked at the map and shook his head. "No."

Steve sucked in his cheeks. " _YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!"_

 _"WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO PAY ATTENTION WITH THIS CHICK BEHIND ME?!"_

 _"I AM A MAN!"_

 _"YOU SURE DO LOOK LIKE ONE WITH YOUR GIRLY HAIR!"_

 _"I HAVE A BEARD!"_

 _"ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE! SEEING YOU FROM BEHIND, ONE AUTOMATICALLY THINKS GIRL! BECAUSE OF YOUR GIRLY LONG HAIR!"_

 _"WELL AT LEAST I HAVE HAIR!"_

 _"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP?!"_

 _"WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST DRIVE AND IGNORE US?!"_

 _"WELL YOU TWO KEEP SCREAMING!"_

 _"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"_

 _"SHUT UP BUCKY, NO ONE ASKED YOU!"_

 _"I DON'T REMEMBER ANYONE ASKING YOU EITHER SAM!"_

The arguing continued causing the car to veer into a path of a truck. The horn blared as they screamed in unison. They nearly were ran over before Steve wrenched the wheel sharply so they veered out of the way...and hit the gas causing them to shoot down a road and off into the night.

"Are we lost?" Sam asked. Steve nodded slowly as they continued to drive. "Well this is going to be fun..." Bucky snarked as they drove along.


	4. Radio Roughhousing

**A/N: Ahhhh! *grins and does the point gun thing* I understood that reference Sky-watcher22!**

 **And Freedom to Rarity, I hear ya. Sounds like quite the chaotic car, doesn't it?**

 **Now...I sadly own nothing. Unless you count these words, or this phone...or-! (Tony: GET ON WITH IT!) See? This is why I'm not team-! JOHN CENA! DOO DOO DOO DO! Anyhow, nothing is mine! :)**

"Are we there yet?"

"Shut up Bucky."

"Yeah, shut up Bucky!"

"No one wanted your input Sam!"

"No one wanted your complaining."

Steve groaned inwardly. They were still trying to find the main road they had veered off to take them to Sharon. The bickering had picked up every 30 minutes...which meant 2 hours and 30 minutes of arguing total.

"I have an idea...why don't you turn in the radio?" Steve asked through clenched teeth. Sam facepalmed. "It's all in another language." "Well, if you can't understand I'll just sing along!" Bucky chortled in the back, wearing a smirk that was sure to annoy Sam. "No, you're probably terrible at it."

" _99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 99 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND! 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 98-!"_

 _"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!"_

Bucky shut his mouth much to Sam's shock. "What can I say? I'm a church boy." Sam turned his back to him once more. "Join the club, you ain't the only Saint." He turned on the radio, mainly to annoy Bucky. "Huh, I know this song. It's cool!" Bucky mused in the back. With the quickest motion ever, Sam changed the channel to a rap in a different language. (Even though he secretly liked it too)

Bucky grimaced in the background as Sam rocked out. "This is real music son!" Sam called to the back. "Do you even know what they're saying?!" "Don't care!" The car was devoid of speech as Sam kept dancing as best as he could while sitting. Steve was just happy for the peace and Bucky was holding his ears and chanting what Steve made out to be, "Unclean, unclean, unclean, unclean."

Everything was just fine and dandy!

...Until Bucky began belting out the lyrics in English.

There was a long, awkward pause. "Going to _what_?! In the _what_?!" Sam choked out and quit jamming. Steve said nothing, but his face was gradually turning green. " _What_?! Oh that is wrong on so many levels! Nuh-uh! Momma didn't raise me like that!" Sam quickly changed the channel much to Bucky's satisfaction.

Sam switched the channel to one playing classical music. Bucky smiled slightly. "Huh, I've heard this song before...I really like it." He was talking to himself, but Sam over heard and quickly turned the channel to techno. He jammed in the front defiantly while a metal hand snaked up and changed the channel.

"HEY!" Sam snapped and changed it back. A button war ensued. Both kept changing the channel. "THAT'S IT!" Sam screeched, unbuckled and flung himself into the back. Sam's foot hit the button and heavy metal roared through the car as the fighting ensued.

It continued until Steve sighed and turned the music off. They both sat back with grins of satisfaction on their faces. Sam holding a fistful of Bucky's hair, and Bucky, well...he was semi smiling/grimacing and holding the side of his head. " _They were just arguing for the sake of arguing_." Steve realized with annoyance.

And with that he realized another fact. They were sure to start arguing soon. Options quickly whirled through his head and he swore a lightbulb went off above his head.

"Why don't we play a game?"


	5. Games, Flatulence and Bathroom Breaks

**A/N: I got some requests that made me crack up! I found out that I could combine three at once and I jumped at the chance! Thank you sky-watcher22 and WrittenWithLove765!**

"I spy with my little eye...an idiot."

"How are you looking at yourself?"

Steve groaned again. He was doing that a lot lately. He could have sworn he now had a few gray hairs now. "Play nicely please? Or I'll boot you to the back Sam so you two can enjoy each others company." Steve huffed. There was silence before Bucky piped up. "I spy with my little eye something red white and blue!"

"Captain America!" Sam cheered and they both laughed and highfived. Realization dawned on their faces as they both grimaced. "We're never speaking of this." "Agreed." Steve chuckled and they both became aware of a third person.

"When we stop, I'll clobber him in the head. Maybe he'll forget." Bucky whispered. "Well you would know all about that." " _HEY_!" Steve puffed out his cheeks as the two began arguing again.

" _I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING BROWN_!" Steve hollered to get their attention. Sam looked down. "Is it the little poops on your shoe?" "What?!" Steve gasped and looked. Sam chuckled. "Made you look." "It's dirt..." Steve muttered with annoyance.

Bucky threw his hands in the air. "What are the odds?!" His attention was diverted quickly. "Oooh! I spy something shiny!" Sam looked around. "What?! Where?!" His gaze fell on a large object. "The lake?" "Bingo!"

The little game of I-Spy lasted for quite some time. Until...

A giant stink filled the car.

"Oh good Lord! Sam! That's disgusting!" Bucky yelled and held his nose. "It wasn't me!" Sam cried as his face scrunched up. Steve hollered " _WELL ONE OF YOU DID IT!_ " The accusations flew as the stink grew worse...that is, until Bucky looked at Steve's face closely. _"STEVE! IT WAS YOU!"_

 _"WH-WHAT?!"_

 _"I KNOW YOUR LYING FACE!"_

 _"DUDE, WAS IT YOU?!"_

 _"OKAY! OKAY! IT WAS ME! WE'RE PULLING OVER AT THE NEXT GAS STATION BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO_!"

They kept driving (with the windows down)..ten minutes turned into 30. There was no arguing because no one wanted to open their mouth. Steve was beginning to fidget. Sam took a chance and thanked God for the fresh air streaming in. "You ok man?"

"No! I'm not ok! I'm going to mess up my only pair of pants!" Steve panicked. Bucky reached up and patted him on he shoulder. "You'll be fine. How long can you hold it?"

"Not much longer!"

"Well, then...you're screwed."

Bucky leaned back and prepared for the worst. Sam rolled his eyes and advised Steve. "Concentrate on the road, not your colon." Steve gritted his teeth. "I'm trying!" Bucky hummed and drummed his fingers. Sam glared at him. "Some best friend!" "Hey, you gotta know when to toss 'em from the nest, and let em' fly. Just not farts, ok? We do not want anymore of those flying."

Steve bounced up and down in his seat. "Please let there be a station, please let there be a station..." He whispered to himself. "You know, whispering does nothing for-are you kidding me?!"

Bucky's remark was cut off as Steve pulled into the parking lot of a station. They all got out of the car. Steve ran in while Bucky explained to the clerk what was going on. Sam eyes the chips and began to put some in a bag.

30 minutes later, a very bored Bucky and Sam heard a flush and a satisfied Steve emerged. "Alright! Are you ready to hit the road?" Sam popped a chip into his mouth. "Why not?" He held the bag out to Bucky who was thanking the clerk for letting them chill there. "What kind did you say these were? I don't speak this."

"You mean read, I think they're sour cream and onion." "Oh, yum." Sam popped another into his mouth and threw one at Steve's head. "Let's go McPoops." " _HEY_!"


	6. Plums and Phone Pranks

**A/N: I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON!**

 **I have gotten so much support from all of you, and what do I do? NOT UPDATE! I BROKE THE SCHEDULE! I FEEL AWFUL! Well...I was stuck without Wi-Fi for two days...BUT THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE THE OTHER DAYS!**

 **I'm so sorry and I'll try my hardest to make this an extra funny chapter! Just for you guys! :)**

 **Thank** **you sky-watcher22, Freedom to Rarity and** **meieara sandero for your reviews! I'm happy you're liking it!**

 **Now! I in no way, shape or form own the Avengers...at least until I find that alternate universe where I do.**

 **Or where I _am_ an Avenger! BOO YA! Goals! ;D**

"Ugh! UGH!" Sam gritted his teeth together. " _WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM BARNES?!" "WELL, I'M SITTING BEHIND YOU, SO THAT BLOWS. ALSO I'M STARVING_!" Bucky hollered back. Steve hit his head against the wheel causing a long, loud honk. "And don't go tooting your horn because you're so responsible Steve!" Bucky growled. "I didn't do anything!" Steve protested "Now quit arguing and shut up so I can drive!"

The silence was nice for Steve as he relaxed in his seat. The road was basically deserted and all was quiet other than Sam turning pages of a book. This continued for a good long 40 minutes and Steve was savoring every part of it.

"Steve, can you pull over?" Bucky piped up. Steve groaned. Oh well. It was good while it lasted. "Really?" "Um, yes? It's an emergency." Steve looked to Sam who shook his head. "Keep driving." "Oh you-" Steve closed his eyes and drowned out Bucky's cursing with memories of his call with Sharon.

"...I did to your momma!" After that Steve hit the break and glared at them. "Out. Now." Bucky wrenched the door open and ran quickly to a tree. "Aren't we lucky you stopped. I don't want to be in a car with Winter Soldier p-"

"Plums!"

Sam quit talking and joined Steve in looking at the hyper assassin in disbelief. "Plums? Bucky, no-" "Steve, you don't understand. I need them. They're my memory fruit!" Bucky clutched them to his chest and tried his hardest to do puppy dog eyes.

"You trying to be cute? Because you're failing." Sam stated. Bucky glared at him. "Not my fault you're jealous." "Oh, sure. I'd be jealous of you. That's a good one." Steve groaned again. "Steve, you're gonna turn into Chewbacca." Sam stated without looking away from Bucky.

Steve dead panned. "Get into the car."

"Baka-na." Bucky quipped at them both before squirming into the backseat. Sam began to mentally take notes to look up what that meant.

Steve started the car and they drove along again. Steve tried his hardest to filter out Sam's screams at Bucky when he bit a plum so juice sprayed onto Sam. "Guys, Sharon's calling. Can you please be quiet while I take her call?" Steve gritted out. Bucky snatched the phone.

"Stay alive, don't talk and drive!" He chirped, now apparently in a good mood because of the plums. "It's 'text' and how do you know that?" Sam asked. Bucky shrugged as he flipped open the phone. "I get around."

" _Hello, Steve? Everything ok?"_

"Heya babe." Bucky growled into the phone while Steve was trying not to panic. "Everything's fine, don't worry your sweet little heart about it." Sam held back giggles as Sharon's now cautious voice sounded through the phone.

" _Why are you talking like that? I don't think you're-!"_

"Because Sam told me it'd make me sound hot." " _No, you don't. You sound like Batman. Now, I don't believe you're Steve. So get off the phone or prove that you're him_." Bucky thought for a second then grinned. "America, F*** yeah." He whispered. Sam howled with laughter as Sharon sighed. " _Get off the phone Barnes."_

Bucky gave the phone back to Sam, who held it up to Steve so he could talk. "Hi Sharon, sorry about Bucky. He's back to normal. "Hey Steve, it's getting dark. You might wanna turn in the lights." Sam reported. Steve then found himself yawning.

" _You need to sleep Steve. Find a hotel."_ Sharon told him. "I'm not tired Sh-" he yawned again. " _Yes. You are. Go to an inn or something. Just get some sleep_." Sharon commanded. Steve grinned. "Oh well, Captain's orders I take it?" " _You bet your 20 bucks boy. Good night."_

"Love you Sharon."

" _Love you too Steve."_

Steve hung up with a smile. "Ok boys! Let's find a-!" He stopped and noticed their grinning faces. "...hotel... _OH COME ON_!"


	7. Rest, But No Relaxation

**A/N: *le me logging into after ages* Oh snap! I can't believe I just left everyone like this! *curls into my corner of shame* I have abandoned the people who were enjoying the story! Forgive me!**

 **Thank you so much for your reviews Freedom To Rairity, casualty the facts and Bieberluv! And sorry again for not updating! DX**

Steve sighed as he looked at the map, hoping to find a hotel. "No...that won't do..." he whispered, rubbing his temple to soothe a popping blood vessel because, like usual, Sam and Bucky were arguing again.

 _"WHAT KIND OF NAME IS BUCHANAN EVEN?!"_

 _"I DUNNO, BUT ITS BETTER THAN SAM!"_

 _"OH REALLY?! YOU'RE NAMED AFTER A RACIST!"_

 _"ARE YOU PULLING THE_ ***censored*** _RACE CARD ON ME WILSON?!"_

 _"I'M NOT PETTY BARNES, I'M JUST SAYING WHAT THAT OLD GEEZER WAS!"_

 _"YOU TWO BETTER SHUT UP!"_

Steve hollered as they froze. "I swear, I'm tired of your arguments...let me concentrate and find a hotel, ok?" They both nodded silently, poker faces turned up to the max.

That is until Bucky randomly whispered: " _Potato."_

Sam grinned softly and put aside the rivalry to begin softly chanting: " _Ba-ba-baa, ba-ba-nana. Ba-ba-baa! Ba-ba-nana!"_ While Sam kept chanting that Bucky began to sing quietly: _"Baa-nanaaa! Potatooooo!"_

Steve ignored them, just enjoying the fact that they were getting along. "Found one." He began to roll up the map and put it by his feet. "Alright guys, let's go."

 _ **Dun nananana! TIME SKIP!**_

Steve pulled up to the little, rundown hotel and the trio got out of the car. "You're gonna have to talk to the clerk." Steve told Bucky who nodded. Entering the building, Bucky strolled up to the front desk with a smirk.

Him and the clerk began to converse in Romanian, leaving Steve and Sam wondering what they were saying. At one point Bucky made the crazy sign and glanced at Sam, causing him to angrily want to know what they were saying.

Bucky walked up a few moments later. "We got room 107." He chirped, swinging a key. "Thanks for paying Sam." "You mother-!"

"Ok! We're all tired and need sleep, so let's just go into our room, ok?" Steve quickly interjected as the trio walked down the hall and entered Room 107.

 **A/N: Stupid ending, I know. But never fear! The next chapter will be what shenanigans they get into while in the hotel! Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!**


End file.
